Umm I'm too high to move.
We need to rekindle our bromance
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
