well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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