can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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