i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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