where am i from again
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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