I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
