believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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