I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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