yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
