Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
