So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
