its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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