She is in my trunk
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
