On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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