apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Randomize
