I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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