He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
