I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I want to fling myself into the sun
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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