weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
