I'm gonna have a badass scar
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
im holly from the hills drunk
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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