Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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