i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
