I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
