I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Randomize