He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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