Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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