I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
