drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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