listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
