That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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