He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
