i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
50% drunk capacity currently
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
