just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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