Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
