im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
