apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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