What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
