i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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