she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
