I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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