I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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