We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
