my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
