Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
