if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize