You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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