Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
