First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
