What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
