"it" just moved
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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