i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
