So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
