he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so let's talk penis.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
