I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
