this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
