not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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