the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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