I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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