It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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