Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
