hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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