so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
