Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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