I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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