is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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