if only i could text you this smell
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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