New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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