she was so not down for the gang bang
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
