you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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