maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
