Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
