Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
