"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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