If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize