I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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