I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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