Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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