im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
