I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
