He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
