What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
