I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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