You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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