A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
