I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
