I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
