I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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