I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
