Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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